No Coincidences

My fave picture of us, Hog & Hominy, October 2013

Today marks 4 years since my boyfriend, Michael, was tragically killed in a crash with tractor trailer in Memphis. This day is always so hard, and grief is one of those places where time is fluid - it seems like forever ago, but also feels like yesterday. The days, weeks and months following are mostly a blur, I have very few memories from the entire first year, which is probably for the best. Most people were kind, some were cruel and nobody really knew what to do with the mess I was. What I know now, is that I miss him every. single. day. but his memory lives on among all of us who loved him and he is always showing us how he is still with us. And since that day, he has set into motion so many things in my life that have brought me to this point. 

The biggest lesson I've learned, is that there are no coincidences. The universe, God and all of it swirl around us to create the exact moments that we need every single day. To drown us in darkness, so we can fight for the light, to destroy us, so we can come back stronger, and to break our hearts, so we can love better and become kinder, more empathetic humans. Along the way, we learn to love ourselves - with all the flaws, quirks and cracks - a little bit more. We don't get to understand the how and why, we just believe. 

With fellow Truck Safety Coalition volunteers + Harry on Capitol Hill fighting for the safety regulations & technology to prevent the crashes that killed our loved ones.

I started chemo on September 21, 2018 - your 37th birthday and I'm heading into my last round of chemo this week - four years after you died. There are no coincidences. You couldn't be here to tease me mercilessly, cook amazing meals and then fall asleep during every movie, but you're right here with me through every step and I'm grateful I know that.

Without November 18, 2014, my anxiety and depression would have gone undiagnosed and my inner strength wouldn't be Hulk-sized to allow me to fight this cancer. I would not have formed such strong bonds with some truly amazing people who have been my rocks - especially your mom - who is a dear friend, the mother-in-law I always wanted, and one of the main reasons I have kept 85-90% of my hair when I should be 100% bald. She is a cold-capping pro and one of the strongest women I've ever met. 

Soul Burger @ Earnestine & Hazel's in your honor

Because you loved me, I felt, for the first time in a relationship, that I was accepted and loved for exactly who I was - grizzly bear or dancing queen, laughs and tears, the Vol to your Tiger - and everything in between. Thank you, Michael, for everything you did for me and continue to do. I hope you and Russell George are thick as thieves and he is cooking soul burgers for you until you pass out. I love you.

Love & Light,
Ashley