So This is Chemo...

I've written and rewritten this post a hundred times in the past three weeks, because sometimes I know exactly what to say and other times, chemo brain takes over and I'm at a loss for words. 

Arriving for 1st round of chemo. "What Would Dolly Do?"

My first chemo infusion was September 21st, 2018 and it’s been a weird, exhausting ride so far. The constant fatigue can be a real bummer, as I'm so used to being able to do everything on my own. The independent soul in me is reluctant to ask for help when I need it, but I'm grateful for friends who bring me antacids and prosciutto when I need heartburn relief and a well-curated cheese board and family who help me get house projects done. (Buy a fixer upper they said, it'll be fun they said...) 

Laurie prepping my scalp for cold capping

But there's always a bright side... I still have a full head of hair! Cold capping has been successful so far and I have been EXTREMELY dedicated to the regimen in between infusions. I'm also very grateful to only experience minimal side effects from chemo, like mild heartburn, headaches and dry mouth, so I'm poppin' Tums and going to work every day and resting at night and on the weekends. 

Cold capping is not for the faint of heart. Keeping my scalp at -35 degrees Celsius for 8 hours brings out my inner Elsa while I'm covered in 4 blankets. I'm silently singing "the cold never bothered me anyway" in my best inner Elsa voice while looking like one of Frenchy's backup singers in "Beauty School Dropout". I've carried the nickname Ice Queen for almost 20 years, so this is me living the ice queen dream.

In those 8 hours you're living in 15-20 minute increments, where your amazing family and friends wrestle a cooler full of dry ice, remove one cap to replace it with another and strap the whole thing back down on your head at a record rate of speed. If you're lucky, like me, you have an allergic reaction to Taxol (the first of two chemo drugs I receive during infusion) and they give you IV Benadryl. That means you don't care about the icicles in your hair, the muffled hearing because your ears are wrapped to prevent frostbite, or the drip from the IV bag hanging right above your head. You just pass out and miss the students from St. George's who come around to pass out chocolate chip cookies and cute little crosses. Don't worry y'all, my dad saved the cross for me.
  

Elsa meets Frenchy's backup singer.. 

Once infusion is done, we play this really fun game of timing a cap change to coincide with the drive home. Four more hours of cold capping before I can thaw out. When the icicles melt out of my hair, I head to bed. Sleep is a refuge of weird dreams and cold sweats. Ice dreams?

After reading this, you're probably thinking I've gone off the deep end. WHY would I freeze my scalp to keep my hair? Hair grows back, right? Shouldn't I be more worried about cancer? For me, it was an easy choice. Try an effective therapy, protect my mental well-being, and retain some small sense of normalcy. I've worked for nearly 4 years to heal and find a balance with my anxiety and depression. Cold capping is a part of that work. It gives me a voice and a story to tell other young cancer patients. Cancer doesn't always mean bald. Scarves, wigs, or keeping your hair... You have so many options!

I'm 3 weeks into chemo, I've got 9+ weeks to go, 3 more chemo/cold capping sessions, and only 14 hair washes. That's right, 14 hair washes using a chemical-free shampoo and conditioner. I told y'all, cold capping is not for the faint of heart. And it's not for people who wash their hair everyday. God bless dry shampoo and my amazing co-workers who got me a set of mini dry shampoos to experiment with. 

Overall, I'm doing well. I'm slowly adjusting and listening to my body when it needs to rest. I'm eating well and trying to drink as much water as possible. I'm snuggling with my dogs and finding a sense of appreciation for all of the little things, the texts, calls, flowers, care packages, jokes and laughter, they mean more than you know. It makes it all feel less lonely, less uncomfortable and less anxious. Keep 'em coming. 

Celebrating Michael's birthday at infusion with Gibson's!

I'm heading into Round 2 of chemo today with great results from my recent labs and checkup with Dr. Somer, which gives me a cautious hope for continued success. And it's October, the best month, not just for breast cancer awareness, but for fall and football and birthdays and Halloween! And seriously, a huge THANK YOU to all of you who have joined Ash's Tenacious D's or donated to our team. I cannot believe we have raised over $7,000 in such a short amount of time. Your generosity is too much and will make an impact in the local Memphis community. 

Love and Light, 
Ashley